found

Photos I thought I had lost. Photos that make me wish the 5d markII I used was mine. 

wind

Here's to you because you've been on my mind lately. Wondering how you feel about the person I'm becoming. Wondering how things would be if you were still here, enjoying the desert air, exploring the places you loved so dearly. Feeling the wind on our skin, I'd like to take your hand in mine one last time, so I could tell you that you are the greatest man I've ever known. 

December

in pieces

 One of my favorite people in the world to photograph, he puts up with my camera well. 

 Body bags in the sky.

 Sarah and I got lost in Milwaukee.

Maybe this year if I tell myself it’s okay to feel, I will be able to feel something good. No more letting the impulse of a year ago swell inside me and overtake any control I have. No longer will I allow myself to sit in my inner turmoil. 

One moment I’ve waited so long for seems to have changed my outlook on so much more than I ever thought it could. For that, I do not regret a thing, and for that, I’m grateful. 

guilty

You’re a monster forever riding on my back.
I can’t shake you, I know I can’t break you.
You taunt me every waking moment I have.
You haunt me in my dreams, only when this hunger finally allows me to sleep.
You take over, override my mind.
I’m weak, and I need control.
I’m searching for something you’ll never let me find: contentment. 
You’re engulfing every inch of my being, and soon, I am certain, there will be nothing left, but a hollow girl, with a soul full of emptiness.

An old photo, some old words, both of which still ring true deep inside me. 

revisited

memories

cage

I just want the sick to go away. I want it out of my head and I don’t want to feel it in my body. Not anymore. But I need it there because without it I am nothing. It has consumed me and it is all I am. It fills me up so, yet it leaves me so empty I’m not entirely sure how I feel. If I feel. My breath is short when I try to remember how this all happened, and I remember the day I started bending, and then the day I abruptly snapped. I never figured out how to put myself back together again. I think I lost some pieces in this process. I don’t think I’ll ever fit together just right. But that’s how it goes with people. They bend or they break and they never fit together again.

skew